I'm not like the others.......

Here we are. Single. Dating. It sucks. Social media has all but destroyed any hope of anyone ever finding that old fashioned love we are all complaining about not being able to find. We photo shop our pictures, and use filters and nobody wants to actually date. I have probably over 100 friend requests on my Snapchat. Not one of them are serious about me. How do I know? Well, a 3 letter introduction doesn't really get my heart going. How about you? WYD. You don't have the energy to type out the question. Not to mention that as soon as you do say hello back, it is almost an instant assumption that you want a dick pic, or a hook up so the conversation basically always turns sexual. How am I supposed to get to know you if all you want to show is your dick? Also, did you guys forget how to read? I mean I explicitly explain I am not looking for a hook up or friend with benefits, and it really doesn't even seem to matter. If you do make it into conversation, the main thing that gets spewed is how much "I am not like the others" even though I have yet to meet anyone to prove that theory. I am well aware this isn't just a man thing. I know that women do this as well. So I guess maybe the problem is finding more like minded people that aren't just saying they're like minded. I am someone who hates hurting other peoples feelings, so I can understand that sometimes it can be hard to express your personal thoughts and feelings with someone. But, in the long run, I would rather hurt for a shorter time in the beginning, than to waste time and end up more hurt in the end. Clearly from my last post I have been there. The biggest problem is reading the bios for people on the dating site. I notice that we are able to "like" or "pass" on someone based on their pic and their bio. So why are we lying in the bio? Why are we lying at all? We are adults. We aren't going to get grounded for being honest. We aren't going to jail for saying "I'm sorry I'm just not that into you." Of course we don't want to hurt others, but does leading someone on hurt less?

Prime example... on Thursday, as I previously wrote, I decided to hang out with a guy from one of the Facebook dating pages I'm on. We have chatted quite a bit actually. He continually pursued me, and I also reciprocated that. I drove to his place (because apparently all the men I meet are afraid of leaving their home) and we hung out. I had fun. He said he had fun, but... we're on Monday and I haven't heard much from him. I have reached out a few times, and got some short awkward answers. Which brings me back to my point. If he wasn't interested after Thursday, why not just say so. Instead, I feel like I look desperate reaching out constantly and not getting much for a reply. Then, I will sit here once again feeling like a complete dumb ass wondering what I did wrong. Did my breathe smell? Did he not think I looked like my photos? Was my personality sucky? I mean this list can go on. Questioning yourself over and over until you drive yourself crazy. Then sadness. Back to no really what is so wrong with me that nobody can tell me they don't want to see me after we meet or after we've hung out a few times. Why is honesty so hard? As far as I am concerned, you could literally just text me that you don't want to talk anymore. If you can't handle telling someone you aren't interested, then you are not an adult. Period. Yes, I also realize that sometimes people don't take the hint. Been there done that. But, once it's out there, it's out there so you could rest a little easier knowing that at least you were honest with them. You can't control how they take the news, but you can control the way you handle it. Wouldn't you rather walk away with the dignity in knowing that you were honest with the other person? Or does it feel better when you make someone so angry with you or make them so sad that they want to destroy your name all over town?

At the end of the day, it is OK to say I don't know, but at least give the courtesy of saying that you're not interested. Maybe something is off in your gut so you're not sure what the reason is. But, if you have any doubt and don't want to take more time with the other person, please for the love of life PLEASE be honest with the other person. Being dishonest and ghosting people just brings up insecurities and doubts in people. For me, I know what I look like. So, I often believe that is what makes men ghost me. Then, I remember that I am 100% honest about what I look like. I'm not even close to a 5 at best, and I'm not skinny by any means. I have rolls, fat, stretchmarks. But, none of that is something I hide from potential dates. Can we all just fucking agree to be completely honest???? I mean let's just suck up our pride and look each other in the face and tell it like it is.

Just in having a conversation with friends, I came to realize that I have chatted with 20 men since being single again. Now, out of those 20 men 18 of them started the conversation with me. Of those 18, 10 ghosted me. The 2 I reached out to, never responded even though we had a 100% match rating according to OKCupid. Fine. I can take a hint on those, at least they didn't lead me on right? Now back to the remaining 8; 2 sent me into the uninterested category after 1 expressed their hate for the LGBTQ+ community, the other said they were casually dating a lot so that was red flag, and not because I care about them dating others if they're being honest, it was more his approach and delivery. Almost as if he never planned on picking anyone to settle down with. A perpetual playboy. The final 6... well, we kind of already got the low down on a couple of these fellas. Quick recap- one friend with benefits that lives in another state, one immature 24 year old with no prospect, one 59 year old man baby feel he was getting enough of my time even though we had only been talking a few days, one 29 year old scam artist, one 55 year old man that cannot decide on spending time with you and lacks communication skill, and lastly.. on 49 year old fuck boy who wastes your time for 3 months and doesn't know why.

I have not given up completely yet. Yet is the operative word here. It's like I have gotten to a point that I don't even know what it is that I want from a man anymore. Well, that's not true. I would like a MAN. One who has integrity and respect. One who is honest and kind. One that isn't capable of watching me cry and not giving a fuck. I don't expect a mind reader. I would just hope that if I was crying maybe you would ask me. I will talk to you. Sometimes, I can't get my words out, so I may cry,.. but I will communicate with you. I think more people have this problem then they'd like to admit. Let's normalize: being a grown up, being honest, communicating, let's bring back old school dates. I know everyone doesn't want the same exact things, but that's where we bring that honesty thing into play. Think about this people. It isn't that hard.

So, as I type this, I am still posted on the Facebook dating pages. No longer have any interest at all in any of those crappy pay for this and pay for that dating sites. We will see where it goes with Justin, if it goes anywhere. I am also currently talking with another man that, much like the others at first, seems to be right up my alley. Nice to look at for sure. Great sense of humor so far. In my age group. We will just see how everything goes. I am fairly certain things will look up for me in dating. Ok I am only a little certain. Alright alright let's be honest with each other here, I am scared shitless, and sick and tired of dating!