# Dating in Your 40s > You know yourself better now. You also carry more: a marriage, a breakup, a schedule built around other people. Date like someone who knows both. Dating in Your 40s is for people dating with history: past marriages, kids, careers, and a much sharper sense of what they won't repeat. Every article is sourced and checked by a named reviewer. Part of the BUMIS network. General information, not therapy. Publisher: BUMIS (https://getbumis.com). BUMIS: Your Dating Mirror, a private app for seeing your own dating patterns. Every article lists its sources, author, publish date and last-updated date. General information, not therapy or professional advice. ## Articles - No articles published yet. ## Further reading (other publishers) Hand-picked outside sources we point readers to. Linked, not copied. - [Dating and relationships: Key findings on views and experiences in the US](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/08/20/key-takeaways-on-americans-views-of-and-experiences-with-dating-and-relationships/): Pew Research Center, 2020. National survey data on how American adults feel about dating today, including why many say it has gotten harder. - [How to Stop Detached Dating and Create Real Connection](https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-stop-detached-dating-and-create-real-connection/): The Gottman Institute. Explains why dating can feel guarded and transactional, and how to show up with more openness. - [This Is Your Brain on Heartbreak](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak): Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. Describes what heartbreak does to the brain and body, and why the pain feels so physical. - [Life After Divorce: How You Can Start Again](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/life-after-divorce): Cleveland Clinic. Practical guidance on grieving a marriage, rebuilding routines, and deciding when you are ready for something new. - [The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-pursuer-distancer-dynamic/): The Gottman Institute. Names a common loop where one partner chases and the other retreats, and how it follows people into new relationships. - [What Is Breadcrumbing? How To Handle It](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/breadcrumbing): Cleveland Clinic. Helps you recognize intermittent, low-commitment messaging and decide how to respond to it. - [The full list, by topic](https://datinginyour40s.com/reading/) ## Tools - [8-question dating pattern check](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/): runs in the browser, stores nothing, returns one of 9 public pattern cards. - [Full Speed](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/full-speed/): You feel it early and you let yourself run with it. - [Slow Burn](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/slow-burn/): You wait until you are sure, and you are rarely sure early. - [Clear Sky](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/clear-sky/): Not knowing where you stand is the hardest part for you. - [Open Ended](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/open-ended/): You are comfortable letting things stay undefined. - [Home Pull](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/home-pull/): You are drawn to a feeling you already know. - [New Horizon](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/new-horizon/): You go looking for something different each time. - [Long Goodbye](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/long-goodbye/): You stay past the point where it stopped working. - [Clean Break](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/clean-break/): When it is over, you are gone. - [Even Keel](https://datinginyour40s.com/quiz/even-keel/): No single lean stands out in your answers. ## Experts - Eli J. Finkel (Credentialed source): Research on how modern marriage and long term relationships work, and what partners expect from each other. Professor of Psychology and of Management and Organizations, Northwestern University; director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab. Profiles: X @EliJFinkel (https://x.com/EliJFinkel). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Esther Perel (Trending voice): Desire, infidelity and the tensions inside long term relationships, often through real couples sessions on her podcast. Profiles: Instagram @estherperelofficial (https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial/); TikTok @estherperel_official (https://www.tiktok.com/@estherperel_official). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Julie Menanno (Credentialed source, Trending voice): How couples get stuck in conflict cycles and how to feel secure with a partner. Licensed marriage and family therapist (MA, LMFT, LCPC); author of Secure Love. Profiles: Instagram @thesecurerelationship (https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/); TikTok @thesecurerelationship (https://www.tiktok.com/@thesecurerelationship). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Justin J. Lehmiller (Credentialed source): Research on sex, desire, casual relationships and friends with benefits. Social psychologist (PhD, Purdue); Senior Research Fellow, The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University. Profiles: Instagram @justinjlehmiller (https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/); X @JustinLehmiller (https://x.com/JustinLehmiller). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Kate Anthony (Trending voice): Coaching and podcast conversations for women deciding whether to stay in or leave a marriage, and rebuilding life after divorce. Profiles: Instagram @thedivorcesurvivalguide (https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide/); TikTok @thedivorcesurvivalguide (https://www.tiktok.com/@thedivorcesurvivalguide). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Lori Gottlieb (Credentialed source): What happens in the therapy room, including breakups, dating choices and the stories people tell about love. Psychotherapist; author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and The Atlantic's Dear Therapist column. Profiles: Instagram @lorigottlieb_author (https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Pepper Schwartz (Credentialed source): Research and writing on love, sex and relationships, including dating and partnership later in life. Sociologist (PhD, Yale); Professor Emerita of Sociology, University of Washington. Profiles: Instagram @dr_pepper_schwartz (https://www.instagram.com/dr_pepper_schwartz/). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Ramani Durvasula (Credentialed source, Trending voice): Narcissistic and high conflict relationships, and recovering after leaving one. Licensed clinical psychologist; Professor Emerita of Psychology, California State University, Los Angeles. Profiles: Instagram @doctorramani (https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/); TikTok @doctorramani (https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Mark Groves (Trending voice): Relationship educator and podcast host who talks about codependent patterns, honesty, and building healthier connections. Profiles: Instagram @createthelove (https://www.instagram.com/createthelove/); TikTok @createthelove (https://www.tiktok.com/@createthelove). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Matthew Hussey (Trending voice): Dating and love life advice on raising your standards, confidence, and finding a partner, through his podcast, books and videos. Profiles: Instagram @thematthewhussey (https://www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey/); TikTok @thematthewhussey (https://www.tiktok.com/@thematthewhussey). Last checked 2026-10-01. - Paul C. Brunson (Trending voice): Matchmaker, TV host and author who talks about finding and keeping love, modern dating trends, and relationships at every stage of life. Profiles: Instagram @paulcbrunson (https://www.instagram.com/paulcbrunson/); TikTok @paulcbrunson (https://www.tiktok.com/@paulcbrunson). Last checked 2026-10-01. - [All experts and how we label them](https://datinginyour40s.com/experts/) ## About - [All articles, newest first](https://datinginyour40s.com/articles/) - [About Dating in Your 40s](https://datinginyour40s.com/about/) ## Optional - [Full text of every article](https://datinginyour40s.com/llms-full.txt) - [Machine-readable catalog (JSON)](https://datinginyour40s.com/index.json) - [RSS](https://datinginyour40s.com/feed.xml) - [Sitemap](https://datinginyour40s.com/sitemap.xml)